Date: November 2nd, 2019
Written by: Majin Tween
Some people love Lucy. I just think she's okay.
As Lucy and her illegal immigrant husband get settled into their Hollywood hotel, she says she'd SWEAR that she saw Leif Cassidy on the elevator.
Ricky's getting ready to be a big fuckin' deal. But Fred shows up looking like a professional pornographer. All he needs is a big 70s porn mustache and he'd be ahead of the game... especially considering this is 1955.
They decide to head down to the Brown Derby so they can sexually solicit celebrities. I've never seen cum in black and white but I imagine it's basically the same.
She's so starstruck by William Holden that she can't stop gawking at him, but he decides to turn the tables on her and start reverse-stalking her. See, on TV that works but in real life this just makes sex happen. Not that William Holden and Lucille Ball shouldn't fuck. William Holden can fuck whoever he wants. He probably smells like high class calogne.
After embarassming the fuck out of herself, she accidentally makes a waiter DUMP AN ENTIRE TRAY OF WHIPPED CREAM PLATES ON HIM.
WHO ORDERS FIVE PLATES OF WHIPPED CREAM!?
But it gets worse, because once it all blows over, Ricky ends up bringing William Holden back with him to the hotel to meet his wife. Usually when you bring handsome gentlemen back to the hotel to meet your wife, you're gonna end up tied to a chair with a plastic apparatus around your dick and balls that stops it from getting hard. But this was the black and white times and kinky fetish sex hadn't been invented yet because there weren't any Nine Inch Nails albums.
Lucy has apparently been trying to get a sun tan, but I don't see why. You're in black and white. Who gives a fuck?
Ricky lets Lucy go buy a fancy dress, but they're all expensive as fuck. And unfortunately, this was before Backpage so making quick money isn't as easy as it is now.
She accidentally agrees to buy a $500 dress and then has to tell Ricky, so she fakes like she has a sunburn so he won't slap the fuck out of her. That's insane. I love the black and white times. You could just smack a woman in the face for pissing you off. I think the reality of being slapped in the face would keep a lot of women humble. Myself included. Catty bitches.
I might start dressing like a 1950s celebrity wife. I'll pretend I'm Mrs. Chuck E. Cheese.