The Presidential Dilemma

Date: October 7th, 2021

I find that Jem, in spite of everything, continues to be truly outrageous. Truly, truly outrageous.

In addition to being a super talented rockstar, Jem is also Jerrica Benton: a music executive! This bitch is a girlboss! And if anyone figures out her secret identity, you better believe she gatekeeps and gaslights too.

So obviously as you've seen, this is the 17th episode of season 2. But I'm not doing my episode watchthroughs in order. That's for cowards. So what if I introduce the concept of Jem and the Holgorams 43 episodes deep? It just gives that Tarantino-esque filmmaking quality to the site. I'm a genius. Give me five dollars.

So here's the deal. The president (not Joe Biden) (not Donald Trump) (not George W. Bush) (not Bill Clinton) has called upon Jem and her Holographic friends to come shave his ass... wait, I meant save his ass. Sorry.

Because of the high security measures to protect King Puppet from evil ninjas and stuff, they have to disassemble Syngergy's signal and thus: a plot device is born.

It's a real Bad Dudes scenario. The president becomes IN DANGER (who'da thunkit!?) and then they gotta figure out just what in the FUCK they're gonna do about it. It's a real catch-22. That's when you catch 22 things.

But don't worry: they get the issue solved in around like 8 minutes or so. Iconic, these bitches.

Dude, totally agreed Mr. Previous President. Monica Lewinsky is living her best life.

Honestly, I'm hoping that the newfound hatred for Hilary Clinton due to her leaked emails and stuff leads people to realize that Monica Lewinsky was just horny and got to fuck the president. I mean, who hasn't fantasized about getting down with Joe Biden? Dude's a hunkasaurus sex.

Damn. Do you think Al Gore regrets inventing the internet yet?

Oh, and Jem winds up telling her secret identity to the president. Because the media wants you to believe that it's okay to trust government officials.