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So Little Time: Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

avatarraccoon

Date: November 17th, 2019

Written by: Majin Tween

Every fucking Friday night is always the same. Playing Sorry, wearing jammies, watching movies. Chloe and Riley are in a rut. They want the freedom to spread their legs and fly. A freedom all girls should have. But their mom thinks they're 8 years old... I wonder if they're allowed to wipe their own ass.

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They decide to start hanging out with this awesome goth whore who's gonna get them into a party after they help her get a B+ on her next exam. The deed is done. The deal is set.

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The weirdo fuck who stalks Riley shows up and cries that they got turned into the "Spice Girls."

The Spice Girls were never goth icons like Mary-Kate and Ashley. Get the fuck out of here.

So Larry the creepazoid hatches a new scheme: to dress up like Britney Spears and invade the party. He's slightly more passable than Natalie Mars. But goth chick is wise to his schemes and outs him as the disgusting transvestite that he is.

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Larry gets chased throughout Malibu by a fat ogre who wants to rape him in the anus... so like, whatever.

Stop making guys dress like girls as a comedy trope.

Keep it in porn where it belongs.

...the best part about this review? I'm not a high profile celebrity on Twitter. I don't have to apologize for a fucking thing.

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Even if I ever had the opportunity to become a BIG STAH, I never would. The only TV appearance I'd ever be willing to make is walking onto Conan's show to have Andy Richter sign my VHS copy of New York Minute... or maybe knocking on the door of Fuller House, asking where Michelle is, being told she doesn't live there anymore and then leaving. The crowd would eat it up because I'm a national treasure.

...alright, I'm a glorified crusty load. But still. In a fantasy world where anyone gives a fuck who I am, that would be a pretty damn good public appearance.