Diddy Kong Racing

Date: December 28th, 2021

Back in the day, I used to love renting games from Hollywood Video because you could take them home and play them.

Yeah. Pretty nuts, right?

I owned quite a few games of my own (humble brag), but it was a good way to spice up the ol' weekend. Staples of my renting were Super Smash Bros, Goldeneye and Diddy Kong Racing.

Holy fuck I love Diddy Kong Racing. Little cute animals driving small vehicles? Are you shitting me? That's amazing. How do they do it? How do they make their little paws do all that nonsense? I can't take it. I'm gonna cry.

So, I love Diddy Kong Racing. It's one of my favorite games ever.

I always play as Timber the Tiger because he's got a positive attitude and a good approach to this meme called life. Plus, it's apparently his island according to DKR lore so let's vibe with that shit for a hot minute.

The game kicks off on an island where you can just drive around. Yes. It's a racing game with an overworld. That's fucking insane, right? Well it gets even crazier: there's a talking elephant. I've never seen one of those in real life, but we got one here. This stuff is a freakin' mess, folks! What kinda drugs were they on when they came up with this stuff!?

There's a Dino themed zone, Christmas themed zone, Dragon themed zone, Space themed zone and Water themed zone. Why did I capitalize each of those words? Fuck you, that's why. I can do whatever I want. It's my website and I'm the only one that reads it so suck an ass.

After like 315 different times renting this game, nearly beating it and having to give the thing back, my mom finally interjected and she was like "...you keep almost beating this one, eh?" and I was like "yeah" and she goes "...well, why don't we just keep it then?"

So we literally just decided not to return the game to Hollywood Video, got like two letters begging for it back and then it went away. So I was immediately like "alright. Fuck yeah. Rock on, Donkey Kong. Stealing rules."

But it was in the zone based on space which my fragile child mind shattered.

The final boss is a second race against Wizpig, after you already collect pieces of his face to assemble a horrible giant pig head on the island. Real antichrist shit.