Donkey Kong 64

Date: July 6th, 2020

Written by: Majin Tween

Donkey Kong 64 is perfect. If you do not get this 64 bit gorilla madness: you are STUPID. Yes, I know it's insulting. But it's also the truth.

This is genuinely one of my favorite games ever. Some people prefer Banjo-Kazooie, but those people are fucking retarded. If you think Banjo is better than Donkey Kong 64 you should kill yourself.

I'm not even kidding. Do it. Fucking do it. Coward. Fuck you.

Do you get to play as five monkeys in Banjo Kazooie? No? Just one gay bear with a stupid bird? Yeah. That's what I thought. Banjo Kazooie is for assholes.

This game is insane. It's like, you think you're out, and they bring you back in. There's so much shit to do. So many places to go. It's like, they made the perfect game and then they gave up and never made a good one ever again. That's how this feels.