Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone

Date: October 17th, 2021

I'm not a huge Harry Potter fan. I liked the first two movies, read almost all the books (crapped out on the last one) but people acting like it was the greatest shit in the world turned me off from it. I also don't really like RPGs very much, not a fan of cheese for the most part and don't really care for sweatpants.

The point is: I like Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone on the Game Boy Color despite all these facts. It's a cute little game where you learn magic and stuff. I like magic. If I could wave a wand and make people die I'd totally do it. Just give me the fucking opportunity.

In the game, you play as Harry Potter: a boy who learns he's a wizard and heads into Hogwarts to get endlessly stalked by an evil bald guy with a fucked up nose. He probably should have just stayed in public school but whatever.

And... Christ. Hogwarts? "Where did you go to school?" "PigHerpes!" The fuck.

Harry's parents got murdered by HE WHO DOES NOT HAVE A NAME DO NOT SAY IT I SWEAR TO GOD DON'T EVEN SAY HIS FUCKING NAME I WILL KILL YOUR PARENTS IF YOU SAY HIS NAME DID YOU PUT YOUR NAME IN THE GOBLET OF FIYAHHHHHHH.

So yeah. The Pot Squad got nerfed by Baldfuck McWeirdnose and now Harry has a lightning bolt scar on his forehead that hurts like a bitch whenever Ganondorf shows up... or wait, Voldemort. Sorry. I was thinking about the good villain.

Hermoine was an icon of being a snippity, uptight bitch who thinks you're better than everyone. In England it's totally normal for a girl to have a good vocabulary. I mean, my vocabulary sucks but at I commend bitches who speak with the big words.

Ron has no business being in Gryffindor. He's a total vagina. He should be in Hufflepuff. And honestly, I find that everyone who likes Harry Potter is a bit of a Hufflepuff. Gryffindors like myself see the franchise for the gay AIDS that it is, and I'm tired so I'm gonna go Slytherin to bed. Haha. Zing.

Anyway. Fuck reading books and fuck watching movies. Experience the magic of Hogwarts through the Game Boy Color.