The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
Date: July 6th, 2020
Written by: Majin Tween
Ocarina of Time is considered one of the greatest games of all time. But how could it be?
You don't even have a gun. You can't even shoot people.
First of all, if Link were a real boy, he'd be the most sucked off boy in all the land. Because goddamn is he pretty. But this isn't how boys look. Boys look like slugs with hair growing out of their eyes.
Ganondorf has taken over Hyrule like some kind of dickhead. He wants the Triforce to make all of his stupid dreams come true. Like bringing back the Donkey Kong Country CGI cartoon and making Miley Cyrus pee in his mouth.
Wait, this is my list.
Anyway. He's a douche. Fuck Ganondorf.
You can traverse the lands, ride a horse... fuckin'... play the ocarina... belt out the fucking Simpsons theme or something. I don't care. Do whatever you want. The world is your burrito. What kind of sauce are you gonna put on that shit?
From the insides of trees to the insides of whales to the insides of castles, you'll go through it all. You're going to be covered in all kinds of nasty shit. Goopy, yucky cummies. Disgusting. This game's good.