Super Mario Bros. Deluxe

Date: October 12th, 2021

It's time to give my opinion on video games! How does that make you feel?

Anyway. Super Mario Bros. is a pretty cool game. Run, jump. You can do it all. But what if the game was really zoomed in but didn't compensate the camera-border rules of the NES version, meaning you can back up ever so slightly but then hit an invisible wall?

That's where Super Mario Bros. Deluxe for the Game Boy Color comes in. I keep wanting to write "Gameboy" but it's "Game Boy." Which is a weird name for a console. It's not like there's a big purple dick jutting out of it... well I mean, you could buy one of those Bad Dragon mini dildos and glue it on the bottom if you want. Then it would be a Game Boy.

The benefit of this port is that you can play as Luigi by hitting the select button on the map screen. That means it's a good game... but you still can't play as Peach, so ten points from Griffindor.

It's got a bunch of minigames. You can race a ghost, get your fortune told (that's when I learned what day I'm gonna die. Thanks, Nintendo!), collect photos for your scrapbook and even use a calendar

Yes. A port of Super Mario Bros. has a calendar app on it. Who needs a smart phone?

If you have a Game Boy Printer (which I do) you can type in text on prerendered photos in the game and print them out on that paper that just fades away after time because it's literally just a receipt printer that hooks to your Game Boy. God I hate this piece of shit. I printed off so many pictures from my Game Boy Camera and they're just white squares now. Garbage.

This is from my headcanon where Bowser is just a guy on the sex offender registry who isn't legally allowed within 50 yards of any school zone, and dresses like a dragon to try to entice kids. Mario and Luigi are incestuous gay fathers dead set on protecting their adoptive daughter Peach.

Anyway. It's a good port that really adds onto the already-perfect Super Mario Bros. video game (trademark) (copyright). I recommend it if you uh... like to play video games or whatever.