My Tamagotchi Forever

Date: February 20th, 2021

I love Tamagotchi. Not actually playing with them. The aesthetic of it all. The actual device itself kinda sucks.

I barely like feeding myself. So why would I want to feed a fuckin' polygon where there are no legal reprucussions whether it lives or dies? I never got into it. But, I saw that there's a Tamagotchi app for Android so I decided to check it out.

It's what you'd expect: a virtual pet running on modern technology.

You can feed it, wash it, fuck it. Whatever. But this guy's a little retard or something because he didn't make it two feet into the bathroom before he took a giant shit on the floor.


Plus he got dirty from eating an apple. What the fuck kind of shit is that? Did someone paint a dirt clod like an apple and I fell for it? Am I the fucking moron here?

Then the little fucker has the audacity to insist that he'll let me know when he wants to play and then goes to bed. So I just installed this fucking thing and I'm already done playing it for two hours, it has decided. I've had it open for twelve seconds it feels like.

Even if you like virtual pets, this shit kinda blows ass. I'd skip it and stick to getting young adult men to be your virtual pets online. At least they won't shit on the floor.

Oh yeah, and I literally had to tap a turd out of his stomach with my finger. Get this shit off my phone. I'm uninstalling it.

I did check out the Wiki page for this game, and read this interesting piece of trivia:

Despite featuring hunger, happiness, and hygiene meters, Tamagotchi's cannot die and do not run away in this game, even if they aren't cared for at all.

That's just fantastic. There is literally zero incentive to play this space waster.

The energy meter (which is part of the app’s business model) actually encourages you to neglect your Tamagotchi. Energy depletes as long as your Tamagotchi is not in bed, so keeping them in bed - even while starved, bored, and dirty - conserves energy.

Just like real children.

Yeah. Don't get this. Even if it's free, they ripped me off because time is money and they wasted my time.

Just get Nintendogs or a Pocket Pikachu or something. Forget this shit.

Plus, apparently there's a glitch where turning the light on makes him go to sleep and turning it off makes him wake up. That literally makes no sense, and he'll even say "Turn the light off!" when it's actually turning it on. They just fucked it up, didn't care and put it out for people to play. Fucking ridiculous. Take some pride in your work.