Date: July 23rd, 2021

It is a tale as old as time: a man who likes to rhyme trapped inside a straight line of crime. If he was a mime, he'd be fine. Wouldn't have to come up with lines.

But he's no geek. He's not weak, and he can speak. He's on fleek and... ugh. This reeks. I'm not doing this sheeeit.

8 Mile is a movie about a guy who likes to say words that rhyme in succession. It may seem like the autobiographical story of Marshall Mallows, but rest assured: it's not. Just because it is about a white rapper who grew up in 8 Mile in Detroit and has woman problems and a little girl he has to look after and much of his life is affected by his crazy mother... that ain't nothin, son. Don't you peak behind that curtain call: the hits.

I was gonna become a rap battler myself, y'know. I had all these rhymes written about how my opponents are cowards, but I get social anxiety and I don't like crowds. So I just say it online instead. It's easier anyway. You don't have to think of words that rhyme. Just say rude things to people. Way easier.

This is just a movie to make women touch Eminem's boner penis at live shows. Marketing sympathy. Nobody has dreams or aspirations, and nobody ever struggles. This movie is fake. Eminem was created in a laboratory with test tubes and dope bars of soap.

Look. You got a dream. You gotta follow that sh---

Oh, you don't have a dream?

Oh. Well... hm. I guess I hadn't accounted for that.

Well then I guess you really wouldn't like this movie

It's all about giving a shit where your life goes and having goals and aspirations for yourself. Didn't mean to interrupt grinding your Animal Crossing town for fossils for the millionth day in a row while you get sick of their repeating lines of dialogue and wait for the next game to come out.

My bad. That's on me. I'm the fucking problem.

Get it? 8 Miley.
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