Child's Play

Date: November 9th, 2021

I saw a grown man using heart emojis while talking to another dude, and that's when I realized that there are too many plastic straw wrappers floating in the ocean.

Speaking of people's being genetically morphed: it's time for more vaccine drama, because the CEO of the Pfizer company says if you don't support vaccines, you're a criminal. Well, I don't wanna be a criminal. I wanna be the nurse helping these poor, sick people get better!

Come on, bro. I'm licensed. Trust me.

Here's the funny part: the dude who makes this stuff in his basement said he himself doesn't wanna take the vaccine, because he "doesn't wanna jump in line." Like... You're telling me we're being ravaged by a black plague but you don't want to take the miracle cure you've been toting because you're afraid of coming off like you're getting preferential treatment?

Dude, if it comes down to life or death, you're damn skippy this hippy is gonna take the easy way out. Just show me a road to save my life without having to put in any effort whatsoever and just have it handed to me? I'd do it in a heartbeat. You shitting me? I'm getting pissed.

So I echo back to something I asked about in my previous COVID-19 entry: WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY INJECTING PEOPLE WITH?

If the dude who knows more about this shit than anyone who is alive doesn't want to take it, why the fuck is humanity being led into a narrative that they NEED to take this thing? What is the end game here? Is there a big button that's gonna get pushed and then everyone's eyes turn like terminal cyan and then they go on a killing spree like Chucky in the Child's Play reboot?

Yeah. Fuck it. It's time to talk about the Chucky reboot.

First of all, he looks like Danny Tamberelli.

I think Chucky is my favorite horror character ever.

So when they announced they're gonna reboot Child's Play, I said the only logical response: "ew."

And then I heard that they were modifying the original plot to adhere to modern technology and Gen Z culture, and I justifiably threw up in my mouth and started crying. The trailer was playing and I was just stabbing myself in the thigh with a screwdriver and speaking French.

But honestly? It's not that bad. I actually dug it.

It taps into my horrified paranoia that AI will one day overthrow the universe. I don't know that it'll happen in my lifetime, but I'm pretty sure it's on the table. I've seen Smart House enough to fear it.

So he's an AI-powered doll (like a Chobit you can't fuck) who will be your best friend and say vapid, empty little sayings of encouragement while he helps you with little mundane tasks. He's Animal Crossing in real life.

But he gets trained by hoodlums to become a bad seed, stab people and say "this is for Tupac." That sounds like something I'd just say but that's actually in the movie.

But in a way, I can relate to the little fucker. He just wants his friend to love him, and ends up hurting people in the process. That's like how I'm desperate for you to acknowledge me as the main character of this slice of life anime we call reality, so I call the CEO of Pfizer a little bitch with an acorn dick.

I realize now I've hurt this man, but he can go wipe his tears with his money. I don't give a shit about him.

YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND, WEBSITE READER.

AND WE'LL BE FRIENDS 'TIL THE END.

NO MATTER WHAT.

...

...Haha, you have no idea I'm only pretending I like you so you'll buy my shirts.

Oh, I mean uh. You're valid or whatever.

Yeah. Valid. They like it when you call them valid.