Date: July 19th, 2021

Forrest Gump: the man who showed his buttcheeks to an evil lizard who decides whether or not human beings deserve basic human decency. For fratenizing with the enemy? Fuck Forest Gump. Fuck Tom Hanks. No T. Hanks.

It takes no skill to pretend to be retarded in a movie. I pretend I'm not retarded every day. Where's my trophy? Give me an Oscar.

Oscars are the music awards. You're thinking of the Emmys.


The only award I've ever won is a BEST WEBSITE EVER award every year of my life since birth, bitch.

You're almost 30 and you didn't start your first website until 2004.

And you didn't start pissing me off until five seconds ago.

You know, life is like a box of chocolates. Sometimes they're actually dog turds and you just got fuckin' PRANKED, bro.

He even starts playing football and it's treated like some grand accomplishment. As if all athletes aren't legitimately retarded in real life.

Funniest scene in cinema. Get dunked on, idiot.

Anyway. Back to the other retard.

He joins the military, which... again... not an accomplishment. They prey on the mentally defective. You actually aren't allowed to join the army unless you're legitimately mentally fried... because you wouldn't want to defend a country that doesn't give a fuck about you or anyone you love if your brain actually worked properly.

Wow, Majin Tween! You're so smart!

I know. I have an IQ of 315 and I get frequent nosebleeds.

Also: fuck Sally Field.

Her smug aura mocks me.

My point is this: Forest Gump is overrated, pretentious dogshit and I'm going to show Joe Biden my butt.