Did you know that every multiverse version of Ben Grimm is currently masturbating to Al Snow's companion?
That's right. Things are cumming to a Head.
Anyway. I got a film filled with shit for the strong willed.
It's called Venom, and it's about a character that was perfected by Topher Grace in Spider-Man 3 now being butchered by the modern film industry. What's next? They gonna reboot That 70's Show?
I'll cry. I'll cry right now and you'll feel so bad.
I'm kidding. This movie's actually good. It's no secret that modern movies aren't really my thing. I don't go for these newfangled CGI effects. I pick Jeff Hardy over Tom Hardy any day of the week, except Saturday on August 28th. That's the only exception, where I will start accepting the deception of 21st century retcons, since they've now decided Topher Grace is no longer Venom, which is stupid, because the character was made for him and then they made comics based on it and made a time machine and sprinkled them throughout the ether of humanity to trick people into thinking the comics came first.
Surprisingly, the movie isn't bad. It's not great, but I didn't walk away from it wanting to slit my wrists with a potato peeler so that's impressive for a movie that came out after 1999.
If I recall correctly, and I'm not gonna look it up because research is for cowards, Tom Hardy played Bane in The Dark Knight Rises. That movie really sucked ass. So at least here we have a superhero movie with this dude that doesn't totally suck balls.
But he merely adopted the Hollywood system. I was born in it! Molded by it!
(i watched a lot of movies growing up)
So the plot of the movie is simple. This dude's life sucks, but then a symbiote attaches to him and they become juan. Then he has all this internal monolgue stuff going on where the big burly symbiote thinger wants him to fuck people's shit up and he's like "nah i don't wanna do that" but he's like "come on bro do it" and he's like "but i don't wanna" and he's like "you're a pussy" and then the symbiote bursts out and he turns all toothy and weird.
Considering the distaste I have for this generation of movie, and the fact that I don't really like superheroes in general (with limited exceptions), this was good. I recommend it. I'm gonna go watch That 70's Show.
Down the streeeeeet!
I'm not doing this.
You started it.